A different kind of Tandem humiliation

A student take on tandem charleston and swinging with the Aussies….

As a young, liberal woman living in one of the world’s most cosmopolitan cities, my tendency to good old-fashioned English stiffness never ceases to amaze me. My penchant for reserve and congenital awkwardness are some of the national inclinations I have earnestly tried to shake. I like to blame these social disabilities on my ‘Englishness’, for otherwise I am surely mad. My obsessions with privacy and personal space are debilitating, my aversion for drawing attention to myself, unbounded and my capacity for embarrassment, infinite. As such I am the sort of person that you would probably never expect to find in a Swing School. Certainly not a Swing School run by Australians.

Swing dancing is not naturally compatible with my more ‘English’ tendencies. My personal space is continually invaded, the potential for drawing attention to myself is limitless and the opportunities for embarrassment are abundant. Tandem Charleston is perhaps the most mortifying example to date. It basically involves turning your back on your partner and doing a series of kicks and walks backwards and forwards. All the time your partner is behind you, holding your hands and swinging them about as if you were some kind of puppet. Of course, I am deranged with embarrassment throughout this whole process. Normally I race through the steps and breathe a sigh of relief when finally facing my partner again. Consequently I tend to get kicked in the calves and receive some luke-warm feedback about allowing the guy to lead. I have often thought to explain that my failure to grasp this move is not misplaced feminism. It’s just that I am, in fact, ‘hideously English.’ However, the more I say it to myself, the more ludicrous it sounds and so instead I’ve nicknamed this particular move – in and out of tandem humiliation.

If I could bring myself to look around the class I’d be hard pushed to find any Aussies in the same predicament. If the British are characteristically awkward, then the Aussies are suspiciously laid back. Of the ones I have met, I could never accuse them of taking themselves too seriously. Their tendency to be relaxed in any given situation appears to be the golden ingredient when it comes to learning to dance. Envy aside, I would go so far as to say that this is a quality I have come to admire in them and I often wonder why my ancestors didn’t have the courtesy to save me from generations of ingrained awkwardness by emigrating.

I confess to knowing little to nothing about Australia. I know that it’s big, I know that it’s hot and I know that I find the accent quite hilarious. Aside to this I know little. As a native of tiny island I find myself naturally suspicious of any land mass whose entire centre is almost completely unusable and as an ‘English rose’ I am in no doubt that I would find its climate intolerable. But that’s really it. In fact, before moving to London my contact with Australia had been limited to re-runs of Neighbours on the BBC and the occasional pint in a Walkabout pub – neither of which I would recommend as a valuable spend of your time. Through my involvement with Swing Patrol I am discovering the more enviable characteristics of our less socially-inhibited friends and whilst I still have nightmares of being stuck in a perpetual tandem Charleston, It has to be said that I am enjoying every second of it.

Laura H Knight - Old Street ‘tandem charleston hater’

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